Opening the Dialogue: Talking to Your Parents About Money, Health, and Their Future

Starting a conversation with your parents about their finances and goals can be challenging. While the idea may feel uncomfortable, it’s an essential step to ensure that your parent’s wishes are understood, their plans are in place, and that you are prepared to support them without taking control or intruding on their independence. Rather, it’s about fostering a dialogue that enables clarity, support, and future preparedness.

In our conversations with retirees, we often discuss their desire to maintain financial independence and avoid burdening their children with future care. On the other hand, many clients in their 40s and 50s share concerns about potentially supporting their aging parents—either financially or by providing care if they can no longer live independently. Planning for these scenarios can be challenging, especially when there hasn’t been direct communication to clarify expectations and responsibilities.

Even if your parents are fully independent today, it’s important to have these conversations early and consistently. Below are seven key discussions to help navigate these topics with care and respect.

1. What Does Retirement Mean to Them?

Before diving into finances, explore what your parents envision for their retirement. For some, it’s about traveling the world, while others may prefer to focus on spending time with family or pursuing hobbies. Understanding what retirement means to them will help you frame the financial conversation in terms of their goals and dreams.

Once you know what they hope to achieve in retirement, you can gently shift the discussion to whether they’ve saved enough to support that vision. This isn’t about taking over or prying into their finances but simply asking, “Do you feel prepared financially to pursue your goals?” If they’re open to sharing, you’ll be able to gain a deeper understanding of how they plan to use their funds to achieve the retirement they desire.

If they haven't thought much about the financial side, offer support by researching retirement options together. This could mean looking into healthcare costs, income planning, or long-term care. If they prefer, introduce them to a financial advisor who can guide them in building or refining their retirement strategy.

2. Discuss Health and Healthcare Plans

As your parents age, their healthcare needs may shift, and it’s important to know how they plan to manage these changes. Though this conversation may feel personal, it’s crucial for several reasons. In an emergency, you may need to provide critical information, such as the medications they take or their healthcare providers' details.

Beyond that, understanding your parents' health concerns helps you share accurate family medical history with your own doctors. The AARP’s “Prepare to Care” guide includes helpful forms to document your parents’ medical details, like prescriptions and doctor information, which can come in handy.

Additionally, explore whether they have established any legal documents related to healthcare, such as an advance directive or living will. These documents clarify their wishes for medical treatment if they’re unable to communicate them. If they haven’t prepared these documents yet, encourage them to create a formal estate plan to cover healthcare and their broader wishes.

3. Do They Have an Estate Plan?

Estate planning isn’t just about writing a will—it’s about protecting their legacy and ensuring their wishes are honored. Ask if your parents have an estate plan in place, which might include documents like a will, revocable trust, or power of attorney (POA).

If they’ve already completed these steps, find out where these documents are stored so that they’re accessible when needed. It's also important to understand how financial institutions handle POAs, as some require their own forms separate from those drafted by attorneys.

If they haven’t started on estate planning, this conversation can serve as a nudge. Offer to connect them with an estate planning attorney who can ensure that their assets, tax issues, and succession plans are all handled correctly.

4. Have They Made Plans for Your Children’s Education?

In many families, grandparents play a role in supporting their grandchildren’s education, whether it’s contributing to a 529 plan or gifting funds for tuition. However, these contributions are often mentioned in passing without a clear understanding of the specifics. By discussing this openly, you can better understand how (and if) your parents intend to help with your children’s education.

Rather than assuming, ask directly. They may have incorporated education into their financial giving strategy or plans to make smaller, ongoing contributions. Knowing their intentions can help you integrate these details into your financial strategy.

5. Do They Have Gifting Plans?

It can feel awkward to broach the subject of gifting or inheritance with your parents, but understanding their plans can be helpful for your own financial situation. Instead of asking outright about a potential inheritance, you might frame it as part of your own financial planning process. For example, you could say, “In my financial planning, the advisor asked about future inheritance or gifts we would like to plan for —have you had similar conversations with your advisor?”

If your parents plan to gift assets during their lifetime or leave an inheritance, knowing their intentions can help you make better financial decisions for yourself without assuming or relying on unknowns.

6. What Are Their Final Wishes?

While it’s not a pleasant topic, discussing your parents’ final wishes is necessary to ensure that you can honor them. Ask if they’ve made any decisions regarding burial or funeral arrangements. Do they have burial plots, or do they want to be cremated? Do they have preferences about the type of ceremony they’d like?

While difficult, addressing this now ensures that when the time comes, you can confidently carry out their wishes.

7. Who Are Your Parents’ Key People?

Your parents may have long-standing relationships with financial advisors, doctors, attorneys, or other trusted professionals. Knowing who these individuals are can help you connect with the right people when needed. By being a supportive presence in your parents’ lives now, you’ll be well-prepared to offer the help they need (and know who to contact!) when the moment arrives.

These conversations don’t have to happen all at once. Start with the most pressing issue and ease into the others over time. The goal is to create a supportive environment where your parents feel comfortable sharing their plans at their own pace. You don’t need to take control of their finances or make decisions for them—simply having open conversations ensures you’re prepared to step in when they might need support or encouragement to pursue their retirement dreams!